Advice on dating with herpes after one year

I was diagnosed a little over a year ago with genital herpes and contemplated ending my life. Now I am in a wonderful relationship, with a girl with herpes and understanding of my condition. I wanted to post and answer some questions I have asked over many DM's overtime. My knowledge is from my doctor and independent research.

I think I have herpes, what should I do?

If you suspect you have contracted herpes, the most accurate way to be sure is going to your primary doctor and taking a blood test, specifically looking for herpes. Swabs are generally inaccurate. No one on this site is going to be able to tell you by just looking at it.

Okay I have herpes, what's next?

Your doctor will generally prescribe you Valacyclovir (Valtrex) to be taken multiple times a day to suppress any outbreak and you'll have the option to take it daily or to take it when you feel like or are having an outbreak. I usually opt to take it daily because I don't have to worry about an outbreak and it makes my partners safer. If you slept with other partners during the time you contracted it but didn't know, you owe it to them to inform them. I wouldn't tell other people besides sexual partners and people you truly trust to help be your support group. For me it was my parents and ex-girlfriend. Educate yourself. Take a deep breath. It isn't the end of the world.

How contagious am I?

Herpes is spread through skin to skin contact of the genital area. Genital herpes cannot be spread through toilet seats, hands (unless very quick contact), etc because the virus does not survive long outside the genital area.

You can still transmit and contract herpes even if you have a condom, depending on the area (which is how I got it). You can contract and transmit herpes even if there is no outbreak. It is called shedding and even with outbreaks, you shed the virus about 20% of the time.

Its rare to get/give it with daily antivirals and shedding but it does happen. Every year that goes by since you had it lowers your transmission/outbreak rate as your antibodies learns to fight the virus better.

How do I disclose my status?

By being open and honest, straight to the point. I usually recommend waiting until the 3rd date and certainly before any sexual contact so the person can get to know you and not just see you for your condition.

Offer to educate them. Be understanding that not everyone will be okay with it. Usually saying something like "I have genital herpes and take daily suppressants that make my transmission rate very low but there is always a chance" will suffice. Answer any questions they may have.

How will I date or love again?

By learning to love yourself again first and realizing that while herpes is a big deal, it is not nearly as big as what people make it out to be. Date just as normally as you used to but always disclose.

I recommend using an online herpes dating site like PositiveSingles.com which I used for a little while as it takes the stress of disclosing out of the picture. it helped me gain my confidence back and helped me be more open about my condition after talking to other people that had it.